can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
