Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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