I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
