You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Randomize