If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
