We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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