I heard we made out
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
