I think I can smell my own vagina right now
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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