You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
