Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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