my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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