im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
