Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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