in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize