I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
