I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Slut skills are useful in every country.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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