I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I need a burrito and a hug.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
