i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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