Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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