I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
