i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
