I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
