cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Randomize
