VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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