Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
