Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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