the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Just pee around me
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
