Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i just wanna soil my oats bro
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
