cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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