fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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