Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i just google imaged poop.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
