If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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