I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
