Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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