i think i recognize dicks better than faces
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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