The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
