okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
