Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
