JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
What drink are we having for lunch?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
