hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
