beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
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