She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I feel great
I just peed on a car
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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