I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
