Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
