I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
