Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
