mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I think i got beer on your cat.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
