so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
it was like eating out sand paper
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Randomize
