Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
