dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
