Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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