I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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