Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
