Cold hands, warm shart.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
