hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
