I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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