I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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