is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Success! We fucked roommates!
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
