no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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