Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
