Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
