He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
